Creating Art Everyday is Changing My Life

Here's quite a different post from what I usually write - more personal than I would prefer to expose on the internet. Yet, here it is -

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When I was younger, my parents always encouraged me to do art. I used to love making cards and drawing tiny stick figures and flowers for my parents and, they always appreciated it. They even still have a keepsake of all the artworks I did as child. I was always motivated to draw because my whole world revolved around my parents and they only gave me appreciation. I was not exposed to any other works of art nor was I faced with any criticism. However, I was barely 8 - I didn't need to face any backlash. In fact, I am so glad I did not have to hear it at the time as it would only unlace my insecurities about my works of art. I believe it would have crushed me completely, at such a tender age where the only compliments I had received were from my mum and dad and it meant the world to me. I never realised at the naïve age of 8 that my parents were too kind to see the flaws in my amateur art pieces.

As I grew older, I stopped drawing. I would perhaps only draw a few times a month but it was an insignificant part of my life - I didn't give it much importance. Yet, I always admired people who could create art. Growing up, I became exposed to those who could draw much better than I could and that is when I begun comparing my works with others. However, it wasn't detrimental at that point as I was simply inspired and whenever I would draw, I would think: when can I draw like them? My comparisons would never illuminate my hidden insecurities rather, they would only want me to do better.

From the past recent years, I have really had the strongest urge to draw regularly. As I gained more exposure to other artists - my sources of inspiration was off the roof. I wanted to create art like them but I began to notice that I was not able to. I became demotivated. I would pull out a reference picture and attempt to replicate all the nitty gritties, only to ultimately fail. This dissatisfaction continued for a long time whenever I attempted to draw. There was a level of sophistication and perfection I had in mind to achieve and whenever I came into sight with my own works of art, I was overwhelmed with disappointment.

A few months ago, I began contemplating about beginning art again - this time, determined to strive to get better, essentially, not giving up. I reminisced back to 8th grade where we were given a task of completing a 30 day art challenge - I remembered how it was one of my highlights of the year. I was flooded with memories of excitement as I awaited every new day to simply draw. I realised that if I wanted to augment my skills, I needed to practice. I was aware that I was not gifted yet, that didn't let me down - I was confident that art was also a skill that could be mastered - just like mathematics or sports, or really anything.

People often have this misconception about art - that it is an inherent talent embedded within people. I beg to defer. It is true that if you have an inborn artistic talent, the entire process is much easier - but when is easy ever satisfying? Practice here was essential.

I made up my mind that I was going to draw everyday somehow - in the midst of my busy academic schedule, I was determined to carve an hour to draw. I began a 15 prompt art challenge with a group of friends where we drafted 15 abstract ideas which we chose to draw over a 15-day period. My first art piece took 2 hours and it barely turned out the way I wanted. I made an integral yet somewhat life-changing decision to never beat myself over what I considered 'disappointing' works of art. Over this period, I continued to draw everyday - even if I couldn't complete the prompt, I decided to draw something, anything. I let go of my perfectionist mindset - which has been so engrained within other aspects of my life - I was carefree with every drawing I did. This was my turning point.

I drew almost everyday for 2 months and it changed my life. Abandoning the pressure to create works of perfection was intensely liberating. I was always satisfied with every drawing - yet, I was aware it was not the best out there. I was happy. I felt like I was improving and it felt like the best thing ever. It felt like an escape. It would barely take up more than an hour of my day and it would be so refreshing and fulfilling - to the point that I was waking up everyday to draw.

I was never self-centered regarding my art this time around, contrary to how I was when I was 8. I was aware of adept artists around me. I was aware of how my art was objectively mediocre but subjectively, improvement was all I cared about. I compared my art with others but I was not disappointed because I knew I had given in my all to create - despite, letting go and caring less about creating perfection. I had gained the confidence to post my art on YouTube, hoping it would inspire someone to pick up their pencil and draw. Just like another woman inspired me the same way. A channel by Minnie Small inspired me to pick up a paintbrush for the first time and attempt to paint - I was barely good at it but I loved it.

Artistry is one of the most subjective concepts there is. If you are creating art for yourself, it really doesn't matter if it's objectively brilliant or not. Everyone has something to say - if they think it is horrible or wonderful. I believe one shouldn't ever insult someone's artistry because behind it, there is always a lot of love and affection that goes into its creation. An artist's art are their offspring - an extension of themselves. Passing insults about how you consider someone's art not being 'good enough' is how you manage to seriously taint not only their art, but also themselves.

Someone told me that my art was not good enough for exposure online. It shattered my self-confidence which I had managed to build myself, over these months. I stopped drawing for a while. Then, I thought about everything I have put into this blogpost - my journey, how my self-confidence slowly incremented as I drew more. After rarely drawing for weeks, as I write this, I have decided to not pay heed to baseless, empty words. Create art for yourself, it doesn't matter what a passer-by says. Protect your creations, shield them from the world's curses.

Today, I decided to paint again, gradually schooling myself to see the little beauty in my art again. And I think it is finally working.